Slowing Down

I have been neglecting my own self care for several months. I work with people who have had intense trauma in their lives, and it can be exhausting. I love it, and self care is necessary both for my work with these individuals and myself.

I find myself getting irritated by little things and my family bears the brunt of it. I have two wonderful children. One will go to college next year and I want to savor every minute with him. My other child is 15, and she is a brilliant actor, and academic whiz. We have a special bond that I want to nurture. Especially since she wants to go to NYU for college.

Then, of course there is my husband. He holds our family together. He cooks, does our laundry, and is the primary transportation to tournaments and rehearsals and to work since we have only one car. He does not get the care and attention he needs from me.

So, in this new year I need to resolve to engage in regular self care activities so my family and friends get what they deserve from me. I’ll come up with a list and actually schedule things in my datebook. Massages, exercise and trips to the ocean are essentials.

Back in the Tarot Saddle

Been picking up my Tarot cards again with the purchase of a few new decks and following some YouTube podcasters. My fav at the moment is The Hermits Cave with a wonderful man named Simon from Nottingham England.

Thinking about trying to begin a group here in town of readers who can all share knowledge with each other. Anyone interested?

I also have a Facebook site called Expanded Awareness whet I post some of my readings I do for myself. I’m also ready to get on with reading for others.

Anyone among my readers interested in Tarot?

Knitting Again

I am knitting again.  I stopped for a couple of  years after the death of my  mentor and knitting companion.  She committed suicide, and the stiches  made my pain, guilt and longing worse.  I know she would not have wanted me to stop knitting, but that made no  difference to me at the time. 

Every time I picked up the needles, I was overwhelmed with tears and regrets.  Not calling her when I thought of her the day before she died, not going to an event she wanted to go to,  the list goes on.  The truth is, people did speak to her the day before, she had made  plans for the next week, she showed no particular symptoms.

We had talked numerous times of our depression, of our thoughts and  plans of suicide.  It was a comfort to me to share the feelings of my  most vulnerable moments – I hope it did the same for her.

I have seen her since she died.  She was sitting in a room with others, knitting.  She gave me a thumbs up, and she was happy.

Mother Pine

 

The pine tree in my backyard is female.  Up until now, I have only connected with trees that have male energy.  No, take that back.  My grandmothers weeping willow was female, I can recall her energy and it was definitely female.

You may think I’m crazy, but trees do have distinctive energies in them.  My backyard pine has taught me much about how all of nature is connected.  I have read some about how roots spread in an area and that is one form of communication. They also communicate through bacteria in the ground.

She tells me that all of the trees in our neighborhood connect, as well as to all beings in the area.  I know that we have a raccoon and opossum that are in her branches part of the time.  She receives gifts from me to honor her, and gives me messages When I sit beneath her.  In this time of Thanksgiving, I thank my pine tree, because she is mine and anyone else’s who cares to sit under her and perhaps offer a gift.

Coping With Scarcity Mentality

I have trouble maintaining a sense of abundance and positivity related to earning money.   The nature of my business of Psychotherapy, can be up and down, ebb and flow, and I still worry when it ebbs.    I have several clients that are progressing nicely and have cut them back to every other week or even once a month.  This is good news as they are healing, and need less time with me – it is success, and I think it is unethical to hold on to people longer than they need.  I am more of a consultant that a lifelong guide.

I always get new clients, I am forever being shown that I am secure, financially, and still I worry.  Walking with faith in the Universe and knowledge of its abundance is difficult for me.  Affirmations help, putting them on sticky notes on my desk, at home.  So today, I will place them around where I will see them.  Things like “I acknowledge and accept the abundance of the Universe”  I’ll keep you posted!

I Come From…

A literary device I have used on several occasions to convey my experiences in life.  One Example:

I come from black prairie soil cared for by my family for four generations, where I formed deep roots.

I come from hardwood forests and streams, white-tailed deer and dam building beaver.

I come from my grandmother’s bread, kolaches from Croatia, the Old Country.

I come from Ireland and the famine, Catholicism and good whiskey.

I come from rosaries, nuns and narrow minded priests.

I come from a quietly rebellious youth and getting out.

I come from a father who gave me a deep love of the earth.

I come from a mother who taught me longing and gave me roots.

 

Services

I thought I’d write a little about services that I provide other than Psychotherapy.  I am also an ordained Minister, a Tarot Card reader, Astrologer and Reiki Master Teacher.

This means I can Marry people, perform House Blessings and clearings, do Memorial Services.

I can run  your Astrological Chart and interpret it.  I can throw the Cards and interpret them as well.

I can give you Reiki, relaxing and healing.

Mother Earth

I’ve noticed lately how disconnected people are from the Earth.  People say, “I have no sense of direction”, “It’s been years since I even thought of going to the Sequoias”, “How do you knw the names of the trees”?  Many of these comments come from women; but I see more women in my practice more than I see men.  Most of them come to see me because there is something missing or off kilter in their lives.

Now I am not suggesting that getting in touch with the Earth eliminates the need for Therapy, but it is a good start.  The Earth gives us roots, shows us how to weather the storm, shows renewal in Spring and death in Winter.  As women, we have an inherent connection to Mother Earth.  She relies upon us to show her care and honor, in return she heals us.

Women have always been the Keepers of the Earth, yet we have become so detached that we don’t even know that we have a connection, much less and obligation.  We have lost her healing through neglect.  A connection to nature can heal so many things: anxiety fades, trauma absorbed, grief becomes less of a burden, and joy is renewed.

I was at a Pow Wow over the weekend and the regular sound of the drum for the hours   I was there fed me and reconnected me to Mother Earth in an intimate way.  I watched the women’s skirts and shawls brush the ground a the Grand Entry,  and remembered an interview I read recently.   A Native woman  spoke of the skirts she wore as a prayer and caress for Mother Earth.  We honor her in many ways, she said, and our skirts keep the connection constant.  Our native women have so much they can teach us.

Caressing the Earth.  Honor. Prayer.  A good start,

The Oak at my Grandmothers house

I stayed at my maternal Grandmother’s house in the summer.  My neighborhood used to be my Grandfather’s farmland and many of our neighbors were my Mom’s brothers and sisters.   Grandma was only 2 blocks away, and I loved staying with her.  One of the Oak trees in her back yard had a board nailed perpendicular to the trunk – the remnants of her clothesline. I used it to gain access to branches that were far above my head, and to climb up about 25 feet from the ground.  I could have climbed higher, but at this height was the perfect branch.

I could sit there and see the back door, the neighbors house where my earliest best friend lived, and the traffic on Interstate 90, which went right past her house.   I’d stuff a book in my pants while I climbed, and I could sit up there for an hour or two reading.  I was there when Beth died in Little Women, and when Heidi had to go back to the city.

At times I saw National Guardsmen go by on the interstate and I would wave at the men riding in the backs of trucks.  Many would see me and wave back.  It was another secret of the Oak.

Mostly it was a place where I could escape my Mother’s yelling and obsessive cleaning and never-ending list of things to do.  People seldom knew I was up there, and if Grandma did she kept the secret.  Once again, trees offered me emotional as well as physical shelter.